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what ya think of these jokes?

Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day. Please send an encouraging message to your weirdest friend, just as I have done. I don't care if you lick windows, interfere with animals, fart in company..... you hang in there sunshine, your f*cking special!! A flasher was heading off on holidays. Just as he was about to board the plane a pretty air hostess was checking tickets. He walked up to her, opened his coat and flashed her. Without blinking the air hostess says 'I'm sorry sir you've to show your ticket here, not your stub.' Martha lost her husband. She had him cremated, took his ashes home and poured them out on the patio table. Tracing her fingers through them. 'Bob, remember the dishwasher you promised me, I bought it with your insurance money. The car you promised me, bought that too. The diamond ring, bought that too. Bob remember that bl*w job I promised you,here it comes!!' This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica Lewinsky turned 31. Can you believe it? It seems like only yesterdayshe was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, putting eveything in her mouth. They grow up so fast, don't they? Abdul and Ali are making letter bombs. Abdul: Do you think I put enough explosive in? Ali: Open one up and have a look. Abdul: What if it blows up? Ali: Don't be stpid, it's not adressed to you! A dad on his way home wants to buy his daughter a Barbie. He stops at a toy syore and notices there is a Shopping Barbie, a Beach Barbieand a Disco Barbie priced at €19.95 but a Divorced Barbie is €265.95. 'Why is this one so much more?' asks the man. The shop assistant replies 'That's because Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's computer, Ken's furniture and one of Ken's friends!!' Teacher asks science class 'What is relative humidity?'. Johnny the traveller answers 'It's the sweat you get on your b*llix when your riding your cousin.' A guy walks into a bar and buts a pint. Then he takes a photo from his top pocket, looks at it, then puts it back. He repeatedly does this every time he has a pint. After the eight pint the barman asks 'Why do you look at that photo every time you order a pint?'. He replies 'It's a picture of the wife and when she looks good enough to ride I'll go home!!' Chris Tarrant: 'For €32,000 what is the colour of the hair on your girlfriends v*gina? Is it: A: Brown B: Red C: Blonde D: Black' Kerry man: 'Can I phone a friend?' The latest Christmes toy has just hit the shops - a talking Muslim doll. Nobody knows what it says yet because no one has the b*lls to pull the cord!! Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honetmoon suite. Receptionist asks 'Do you have reservations?' Bride replys 'I'm not sure about taking it up the a*se.' Wife packs case and says to husband 'I'm off to Amsterdam to be a whore getting €400 a ride instead of giving it to you for free'. Husband packs his and says 'I'm going with you. I want to see how your going to survive on €800 a year!' It goes in dry, it comes out wet. The longer you leave it in the stronger it gets. You can have it in bed just you and me. It's not what you think, it's a cup of tea. Man has €50 note totooed onto his c*ck. His wife asks 'Why have you done that?' He replies, 'For 1, I like to see my money grow. 2, I like to play with my money. 3, I like having money in my hand and last but not least, next time you want to blow fifty quis, you can stay at home to do it!' Paramedcs attend a nasty accident involving a sports car. When they see the driver screaming in pain they tell him to calm down as at least he was not flung out through the windscreen like his girlfriend. He screamed back 'Have you seen what's in her mouth?????' A man who was sunbathing on holidays fell asleepand badly burnt his legs. The pain was unbearable so he went to see the doctor for treatment. Doctor took a look at hi legs and said 'This is a small village surgery and I've nothing really to help you but give this a go' and handed the man a Viagra tablet. The man said 'But I've got acute sunburn. What's a Viagra tablet going to do for my sunburn?' 'Basically nothing' said the doctor @but it will help keep the sheets off your legs tonight!' Woman was helping husband set up their new computer. 'You now have to enter a password'. Husband is feeling randy and tries to hint and shock wife by typing P*NIS. Wife fell off her chair laughingwhen computer replied PASSWORD REJECTED - NOT LONG ENOUGH. Paddy flying Ryanair into Manchester. The plane is introuble so he calls the tower and says 'Help! Easter Sunday, Pancake Tuesday, Boxing Day!' A voice comes back and says 'Paddy the word you're looking for is f*cking Mayday!!' To men are at the opposite side of the world but are thinking the exact same thing. One is walking a tightrope between two skyscrapers, the other is having a bl*w job from an 85 yea old woman. What are they both thnking? Don't look down, don't look down, don't look down!! Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean....... against tables, floors, chairs, walls,and ugly f*ckers. Pass this on to your alcoholic friends as I've done. Do you want a Nokia N95 including 1000 free any time, any netwok minutes a month? With it you get a fre 42" LCD HD TV, free Apple iPod Nano and free Stella Artois mini-fridge. It's a 6 month minimum contract at €12.50 per month. Simply log onto www.dreamonyoucunt.com An Essex blond gets a job as a teacher. She notices a boy on the field stood by himself while all the other childern are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak o him. 'Are you ok?' she asks. 'Yes he says. 'You can play with the other children you know.' 'It's best I stay here' he says. 'Why?' asks the blonde. The boy says 'Because I'm the goalkeeper'. Three travellers were knocked down and killed in a Tesco car park today. Tesco. Every little helps.

Public Comments

1. hmmm they are okay. sorry
2. Very funny
3. doo not try out www.dreamonucunt.com it a proper wbesite p*rn
4. My friend,I didnt have the patience to read all the jokes.I read nearly all and enjoyed every joke except one or two.Why have you posted so many jokes in a single question?Post each joke separately.
5. SUPERB! But, honestly, I don't read all. However, I found myself laughing... But, too tired to read all. Thanks, man. And I suggest Joker's comment. Post them seperately.
6. lmao..the barbie one omg oh so true..eh?..lol....